Optional Thank You Notes?
Can you waive the requirement?
©1994 Beth Weiss, Posted to misc.kids.pregnancy Usenet newsgroup, November
One isn't supposed to tie the giving of a gift with a thank you note, or the
receiving of a gift with a thank you note, so one can't "waive notes" when
giving a gift or otherwise make reference to the thank you note as if it's a
The note is a requirement, but it's like giving someone a gift if you
go to their wedding. They invite you because they want you to share their
special day. You send a gift because you are so happy for them and want to
add to their joy. Then they send a thank you note because they are so
touched by your thoughtfulness.
The fact that etiquette calls for a gift if you attend (not are invited to) a
wedding, on the theory that if you like the couple enough to attend you like
them enough to give them a gift, and then etiquette requires that you thank them
for it, doesn't mean that any of this is explicitly spoken. The wedding
couple can't ask for a gift, and the giver can't demand a thank
you note--they're just both customary and expected.